


i could hear you

by shytrash



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Depression, Gen, Hallucinations, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter Parker-centric, Peter is in fantasy land, Post-Endgame, Sad, Sadly, Tony Feels, Tony is dead, i guess, peter is not okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:34:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29427501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shytrash/pseuds/shytrash
Summary: When he looked back up at Tony, he wasn’t the same as the previous moment. Half of his face was bleeding and burnt. It extended down his neck and across half of his body as Peter’s eyes took it all in, trying desperately to keep himself upright and breathing as thousands of thoughts and images ran through his mind. Each word out of his mouth seemed to break Peter into another piece. “I could hear you, you know. I wish we had more time together.”Peter loses touch with reality after Endgame.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. Sad, Sad Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to another fanfic that's stuck inside my head. I'm halfway through the second chapter, which will probably be a little longer than this one. This is me, dipping my toes in, seeing if anyone else likes this idea. Once again though, I have not seen a single episode of WandaVision. I only stole the name because I want it to be Peter that's struggling to let go of Iron Man and gets lost in a world with him for a while. I hope you enjoy it, I don't have an editor so if there are any mistakes I'm sorrrrrry!

Things were busy at the compound, after the war. There was an influx of people there that weren’t before, like Bucky and Wanda. The members of the team that were on the Captain’s side before Thanos happened. Finally freed from the mess that was the Accords, they were allowed back into the Avengers facilities and made it their permanent residence. Outside of the city, more space and clean air. Everyone loved it. All of the noise and clean up after Thanos meant that Peter could slip through the cracks, sneak down to the lab to be undisturbed. Tony was there. The first time he appeared, Peter lost in memories of turning to dust, he hadn’t noticed until he almost ran into the other man. “Watch it, kid,” Tony had said casually, a smirk on his face and for the first time in a while, Peter felt  _ full.  _

“S-sorry, sir, I thought I was alone down here. I’m usually alone,” Peter had sounded confused like there was something he was forgetting. Something screaming in his brain  _ this isn’t right, this isn’t right,  _ and before he could say anything, Tony had put a hand on his shoulder and he bought a finger up to his lips, shushing Peter. 

“I just wanted to see you, kiddo, no need to alert everyone to my presence.” His tone was carefree and it made Peter relax, seeing Tony so at ease. “I thought you were here to do some science, thought I’d help if you wanted,” and with that, all of his worries melted away as he smiled at his mentor, turning to the keyboard to pull up some of his recent work, hoping to impress the genius next to him.

.

Peter isn’t sure how long he’s lived at the compound now, but it was the best decision he ever made after Thanos. That name honestly still made a shiver run down his spine, remembering the fear that they were going to lose as if it was the other day. He has to remind himself that they didn’t lose, everything had turned out okay and he was  _ okay  _ now. It becomes his new routine to wake up, eat breakfast earlier than everyone else that still lived at the facility so he could be alone, and head to the lab. Tony was always there, waiting for him at one of the computers. They would bicker about science, occasionally the mechanic would stand behind Peter and critique his code as he typed away. Sometimes they stood in silence together, shoulder to shoulder to admire the holograms projected in front of them. In those moments Peter wanted to reach out and grab onto him, latch himself onto Iron Man so he could never leave. Peter told himself that was just Thanos’ doing. 

_ Mister Stark, I don’t feel so good.  _

It was as if the other man could sense the moments when he was stuck back in those memories, haunted by them and overwhelmed with the feelings associated with them. In those times, like what was happening right now, Peter sat on the floor with his head between his knees trying to breathe. Mister Stark was right there next time, as always. “Come on, Pete, you’re in the lab, with me. We’re working on upgrading the suit. It’s Wednesday night, well, morning. Maybe it’s bedtime. Keep breathing for me.” The familiar voice helped ground him so he leaned closer to Tony. 

“Everything feels wrong when I leave the lab. I don’t want to leave.”  _ I don’t want to go.  _ Peter said shakily, hoping Tony wouldn’t press him further for an explanation. He had no explanation. 

Things outside of the lab were not normal. They were chaotic. Nothing seemed to make sense to him and everyone gave him such pitying eyes when they did see him, which Peter tried to make impossible. He didn’t want anyone to see him, didn’t need anyone else except for Tony and their nights in the lab together. He could waste away here with him if the mechanic would let him. The war had impacted everyone differently. Sam and Bucky had lost Steve, the team had lost their captain. They were trying their best to help the world return to a new sort of normal and catch up on what had happened in the last five years. Peter didn’t need to catch up, all he needed to know is they had won and Tony and May were okay, that’s all that mattered. The rest of the world had the Avengers, which Peter was never officially apart of anyway, so he wasn’t needed in the aftermath efforts. Plus, he was still a teenager. That let him get away with slipping through the cracks. 

“We can stay here as long as you want, Pete, if that’d make you feel better.” His mentor’s voice was quiet and Peter looked at him, eyebrow raised slightly. 

“You won’t force a bedtime on me, sir?” He was back to calling Tony sir, feeling smaller than he was next to the billionaire. Peter felt like a shell of himself, at this moment. He needed to stay here and be whole again. 

Tony looked at him, really looked, and Peter could feel tears welling up in his eyes under the scrutiny. “I won’t if you stop scaring me, kid. What’s going on with you?” His tone sounded worried and it made Peter feel guilty, knowing that he’d put that worry there. 

If Peter vocalised his thoughts, put those words out there, he couldn’t take them back. It would shatter everything, potentially. He couldn’t let that happen. Tony looked sad as if he knew what was going through Peter’s head and the tears spilled over, flowing down his face freely. “Nothing, I’m just glad you’re here.” Peter sniffled out, not trusting his mouth to say much more. Tony looked like he was going to cry to and that made him even sadder than he thought he could possibly feel. 

“I’ll always be here for you, Peter. Always.” Tony’s voice was thick with emotion and he couldn’t help but reach out for his mentor. He had to feel him, had to ground himself in the present. These felt like moments he couldn’t lose. Ever. His fingers were just touching the hand next to him and Peter felt warmth on his fingers which bought on a wave of  _ relief  _ as they sat side by side. “I got you,” Tony whispered and a sob escaped from Peter. He couldn’t ever lose this. 

.

“Why doesn’t Pepper visit anymore?” Peter asked before he could stop himself, his fingers hovering over the keyboard as he stood dead still, eyes on Tony. He wasn’t sure where that had come from. The question had been eating away at him over the last few days in the lab, curiosity that he couldn’t hold in and he thought about Pepper and Morgan. Why would Tony stay here, at the compound, rather than with his daughter? Sure, Peter was looking like a walking zombie these days, but he was seventeen. He’s growing and he’s tired all the time. 

Tony was frozen, eyes staring straight back at Peter. Once again, they were filled with sadness like the other night or the other week, he wasn’t keeping up with time anymore. It was pointless. The silence seemed to stretch on as Peter’s brain short-circuited and refused to give him a logical answer to his question. So, he waited for the older man’s answer. “I think you know why, Pete,” he said, full of pain and Peter was left speechless. He didn’t know why at all. He couldn’t think back for a reason that made sense to him. 

Actually, when he did think back, everything has become a bit of a blur. They won the war, he remembers being in Wakanda. Remembers watching Thanos crumble to dust, then getting on a quinjet to come home, laying down across some seats and passing out. There are gaps from there, though. Gaps from the quinjet to getting to the compound. Then, black holes instead of memories that leave him confused about what happened when he got here. How long has he been here? When did he sleep last? Everything was hurting his head. Tony was still staring at him with those sad, sad eyes. He looked like he was in pain, watching Peter. Watching him struggle to remember. “I- I don’t- I’m going to go to bed, mister Stark,” Peter stumbled over his words, retreating back to his room before his mentor could respond. Those sad eyes watched him leave and Peter couldn’t look away until he had to turn around unless he wanted to run into a wall. 


	2. Chapter 2

  
  


Friday informed him that he had been living at the compound for three months. He’s been in the lab for the majority of that time. When he finally forced himself to have a shower, his last one being days before, he got a look at his reflection. It made him uncomfortable. Under his eyes almost looked bruised with how dark it was and it was clear he’d lost weight. Going from muscles to lean and skinny, almost  _ too  _ skinny. His hair was a mess, getting longer and sticking up in every direction. Honestly, he looked like a mad scientist. Peter felt like he should care about it more than he did, but he showered, dressed and made his way back to the lab after a restless night of sleep. Questions were still being thrown around in his head, with no answers, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to know anymore. In the workshop with Tony, things were easier. It felt right. He didn’t need to know all of the unnecessary details that were empty gaps in his head. It was like the balance in his life had been restored. Maybe looking back would only ruin that for good.

On the way down to the lab, he ran into Bruce. Big, green and unavoidable in the hallways of the facility. There was concern etched onto his face and he studied Peter and it reminded him of how Tony looks at him sometimes. “Mister Banner, sir,” Peter mumbled under his breath as he kept walking, not wanting to have to deal with anyone’s questions.

“Peter, can I walk with you?” Bruce responded, turning and catching up to him in two large strides before the teenager could respond. Sometimes it still threw Peter for a loop that this big green man still had Banner’s small, usually nervous, voice. His confidence had clearly been growing as he embraced the other man inside of him, both of them complement each other in this new version of Hulk and scientist, yet he still sounded nervous and much smaller than he was when he talked to Peter. “How have you been holding up, after everything? I heard you haven’t been patrolling lately,”

Being reminded of his duties as Spide-rman almost made him trip over, realising he had forgotten entirely about his night-time patrols of the city. He can’t remember the last time he had put the suit on, honestly. That was worrying. “Uh, I’m- I’m just taking a break. Feel like we’ve all earned on, right?” He kept his tone as light and casual as he could, the complete opposite of what was going on inside of him. “I’m enjoying time in the lab, perfecting my coding, we’ve been working on-”  _ we,  _ he said  _ we  _ and Bruce was looking at him slightly funny and Peter felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room and he was  _ panicking  _ for reasons he didn’t fully understand. He tried to breathe through the anxiety. “I’ve been working on upgrades for Karen,” he finished, avoiding the eyes that felt glued to him. 

There was an uncomfortable silence as they walked down to the lab, the anxiety increasing every step they took closer to his sanctuary. His hideout. Peter stopped in the hallway, throwing his hand up against the wall to steady himself as he tried to stop himself from hyperventilating. He couldn’t let Bruce in, that was  _ his  _ workspace and Tony had said  _ no need to alert anyone to my presence  _ so Peter hadn’t, he had kept his lips  _ glued  _ shut so he could keep Tony all to himself. Bruce couldn’t know, couldn’t interfere. He felt so strongly that the man next to him, trying to talk to him, couldn’t go there. Part of him knew it was so illogical to feel like this yet he  _ did.  _ It was unstoppable, bubbling up inside of him until it was spilling out and he looked like a complete idiot in the hallway. “Please, please, don’t go into the lab, I…” That was all he could stutter out before he had to try to gasp for breath again. 

When Bruce’s eyebrows furrowed together, Peter knew he had stuck his foot in his mouth. “Is there something you need to tell me?” He sounded like Tony when Tony needed to have a ‘stern, adult conversation’ with the teen. “Breath, Peter, no matter what is going on I won’t be mad at you.” The large green hand on his back was gentle and he struggled for air, leaning back into the touch and warmth across his back. The scientist had misunderstood the situation but Peter didn’t know how to clear it up for him. 

They waited until he felt steady enough to stand back up, looking towards the other man but not able to meet his eyes. “I can’t explain what’s going on exactly… The lab is just my space right now and I don’t want anyone else to interfere with it. Please.” His voice sounded desperate and he wanted to cringe. He needed Bruce to give him space with this. 

“I’ll give you space, as long as you start checking in with me more.” Bruce’s words put the spiderling at ease somewhat and he nodded profusely until it almost made him dizzy. He should probably eat something soon, maybe. Can’t remember the last proper meal. “Tony wouldn’t like to see you like this,” Bruce said as Peter started to walk away from him and the words stuck with him as he made his way down to the lab. Down to the safety of his home. 

  
  


.

  
  


Peter wanted to keep his head in the clouds forever. It’s easy, time passes him by without care and he’s doing work he loves. So, he can stay like this forever, right? Wrong. It all started to really unravel after he bumped into Bruce.  _ Tony wouldn’t like to see you like this.  _ Those words bouncing around in his head for the next few hours along with the absence of Pepper, the quietness that had settled over the facility in the following days since that interaction in the hallway. Bruce would be there sometimes, in the halls, as he made his way up the stairs so he could pass out in bed. He would look at the teen, study him until he was satisfied or unsatisfied with whatever he saw. Peter couldn’t tell what he wanted, besides to check he was still functioning and he never asked. Never spoke a word to the scientist, hoping that would eventually send him away. The worrying was unnecessary, Peter took snacks down to his workspace on occasion now. That seemed to make Tony happier, so he reasoned he was fine. He was eating and sleeping. Sometimes. 

The mechanic had been sitting on the bench in the lab after his run-in with Bruce, waiting for him. He had smiled sadly, eyes glassy. “I think our time together is almost up, kid,” he said and part of Peter had crumbled at that. He didn’t dare ask for an explanation to what his mentor had said, simply sad next to him and leaned against him lightly. Peter didn’t leave the lab for thirty-four hours after that. He didn’t leave until he had forgotten what Tony said, forgotten Bruce’s worried eyes and his disgusting reflection he’d caught sight of in the mirror. Focused on work and the feel of his mentor alongside him, keeping him grounded and feeling alive until he couldn’t focus on anything. There were bad moments that happened more frequently after the hallway incident. Peter messing up his work so badly he’d slam his fist on the bench, climbing under the desk when the panic attacks got out of hand. Tony would have to coax him back out. Whisper soothing words or he’d sit next to him under the darkness of the bench and breathe loud enough Peter could hear and he’d let it calm himself down. Breathe in time with his mentor. 

As he made his way to the lab now, an apple in his hand as his snack of the day, he was feeling better than he had in a few days. Probably because they had called it quits early in the lab when Peter started to fall asleep sitting at his computer. Tony had nudged him awake and he didn’t put up a fight, dragging himself up the steps to bed. He had even slept in for a few extra hours. There had been no coaxing out from underneath any tables in the last two lab binges which he considered a small victory. Tony smiled at him more. Peter didn’t let any of the nagging questions in his head take up any more of his time and it felt easier to breathe like it had when he first went down and saw the mechanic waiting for him. He didn’t dwell on his reflection anymore. Choosing not to look in the mirrors, no need to stress himself out over it. He wonders if he’d still be training with Natasha if she was still alive. They had fun together, fighting. She pushed him. 

Nowadays, he only needs Tony to help push him. Push his intelligence. They work through Tony’s old codes for Friday and his suits. Peter was thinking about looking into his work for Stark Industries since Tony never seemed interested in it anymore. Maybe if he started to pick at designs, they could build something together. It made his chest swell with emotions that he didn’t want to deal with. He was getting sick of being so emotional yet it was something he couldn’t help when working next to Tony. Peter blames the snap. Blames fading to dust, thinking he was leaving Iron Man, never going to see him or May again. Remembers the feeling of being torn apart while he begged not to go. Remembers snapping back and before he could comprehend it, he was fighting in a war. Desperate to see red and gold flying above him. Now was the time to build memories he’d be able to hold onto forever. Creating next to the genius that is Tony Stark are the best memories he’s ever going to have. 

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, feet not letting him take another step forward as he took in the situation in front of him. Bruce was in the lab. Next to him, though, was Happy. Happy Hogan. They were looking at him. Watching him. The apple was on the floor, rolling away from him. He must’ve dropped it, doesn’t remember it slipping out of his hands but he’s shocked. Instantly anxious. Tony is there too, leaning on the bench across from his two friends. He was looking at the ground. Nobody is talking and Peter can’t seem to remember how to walk anymore. Bruce makes the first move, moving to open the lab door. “Peter, we just want to talk to you.” His tone didn’t give anything away and he forced himself to shuffle forward, through the open door. Instinctively, he stood next to his mentor. His mechanic. His Tony Stark. 

“How you doing, kid?” Happy asked, voice holding no emotion and he felt like everything was wrong, things weren’t making sense. Happy wasn’t meant to be here. 

He opened his mouth to answer, then closed it. Peter was unsure how to answer, so he leaned against Tony the tiniest bit, looking for comfort and warmth. The mechanic wouldn’t look up from the ground. “I’m fine, really.” He added the last part when he looked up and saw both of the older men's brows were raised, questioning him. “Happy… Why are you here? Is something wrong?” Peter didn’t want to ask, not really, but he was confused. Alarmed. Panicked. 

Happy sighs, running his hand over his face. “Bruce called me. He’s worried about you, and he has every right to be.” Peter flinched at that, unable to disgust the information comfortably. This kept getting worse. “You remind me of him, Peter, so much. Tony was my best friend and he was a mess. All of the time. He second-guessed everything he ever did… He was all over the place. The one thing that he didn’t the second guess was picking you. He wanted you, here, with the Avengers. All Tony ever wanted was for you to thrive.” There was so much misery in his tone and Peter’s brain felt like it wasn’t working. He couldn’t comprehend what was being said. When he tried to look at Tony, the older man was already looking at him. Glassy wide brown eyes that looked carried the misery that Happy talked with. 

“I’m so sorry, Pete,” Tony whispered and Peter gripped the edge of the workbench, he could feel it crumbling underneath his hand and he watched it for a moment, the metal looking twisted beneath his grip. When he looked back up at Tony, he wasn’t the same as the previous moment. Half of his face was bleeding and burnt. It extended down his neck and across half of his body as Peter’s eyes took it all in, trying desperately to keep himself upright and  _ breathing  _ as thousands of thoughts and images ran through his mind. Each word out of his mouth seemed to break Peter into another piece. “I could hear you, you know. I wish we had more time together.”  _ Mister Stark, hey, mister Stark, can you hear me?  _ “It was worth it. I’d do it again if I had to. You know this, kid. You’d do the same.”

  
  


_ It’s Peter, hey, we won. Mister Stark, we won, Mister Stark, we won.  _ Peter was shaking his head, wanting to drop to the floor and hide under the bench but not wanting to leave Tony’s side. He didn’t want this to be real. It wasn’t real, it wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening.  _ His hands were glued to the suit as they tried to pull him off of it. You did it, sir, you did it. I’m sorry, Tony. I’m sorry.  _ He tried to hit his head with a closed fist to get the images out of his head but it didn’t work. Tony was still there, looking exactly how he did that day, minus the suit. “I don’t want you to go,” he whispered as quietly as he could to the man next to him. “I can’t handle this without you.” He struggled to say anything anymore, throat choked up and he suddenly realised he was crying. Profusely. 

Happy took a step forward then, making Peter jump at the movement. He had forgotten they were there. Watching him. He wondered how he looked, talking to his mentor that was apparently dead. He had watched him die, even. “You can do this without him. I don’t think Tony would have done what he did if he didn’t know you were going to be hereafter he was gone. You’re hurting now, I know, but he would’ve wanted to see you out there, helping, living. Building your life.” Happy took another step closer and his own voice was thick with sadness and grief. Tears were making their way down his face as well. “You need to say goodbye. Then we can start to learn how to live without him, although if you look around, we’re the lucky ones that get to live on the legacy he built. We get to celebrate him, Peter and remind the world what he’s done. It won’t hurt forever.” Peter was sobbing as Happy stepped close enough to grab him before he fell to his knees. Arms kept him up as he cried loudly, grief and pain pouring out of him. 

Deep down, he knew what Happy said was right. Peter knew how unhealthy he was, knew the damage he was doing to his physical and mental health. It’s so easy to bury it and live here, between these four walls with his favourite person. Tony was his favourite. The thought of a world without him was so painful that he didn’t want to let it go. “Please,” he sobbed in the arms that were keeping him upright, unsure if he was crying to Happy or the half-burned and exhausted looking Tony in front of him. “I’m not ready, I can’t do it,” those brown eyes looked like they were losing their colour and even with all the sadness in them, Tony gave him a smile. 

“You have to, Peter. Gotta let me go. There’s a whole world waiting for you.” Tony sounded tired, like each word he said took effort that he was running out of. Happy was whispering soothing words to him over and over  _ it’s going to be okay, Peter, we’ve got you  _ and he tried to calm himself down. It took time to stop sobbing, unable to stop the tears though. This was too much and he was so exhausted, so tired and the idea of letting go of this person,  _ his  _ person hurt him so much more than he thought possible. He pushed himself out of Happy’s arms and he let himself sink to the floor in front of Tony. It was clear that they couldn’t see him, it was all in Peter’s head. He was hallucinating his mentor, then. When Tony lowered himself to his level, Peter didn’t try to reach out and touch him this time. He just stared at him.  _ Tony is dead, this isn’t real.  _ If he kept repeating it, maybe he’d come to terms with it quicker. “I’m dead. You need to let me go.” 

Eventually, Peter nodded. He felt like he was dying. “I’ve gone crazy, haven’t I?” He asked, not looking at either Happy or Tony for an answer. “It’s been so easy to live down here with him. It felt like the world was normal.” He stopped, taking his time to address his mentor for the last time. “Letting you go seems like the hardest thing I’m ever going to face. I don’t want to, but I will. Even though it hurts. It hurts so, so much, Mister Stark. I’m… I’m going to miss you for the rest of my life.” His voice broke as he spoke to Iron Man one last time. Even if it wasn’t real, it felt real to him. They shared one last sad smile between the two of them and then Peter closed his eyes, squeezed them shut as hard as he could. 

  
The battle played behind them. The blinding light from the snap, the snap that came from Tony, not Thanos. That snap  _ won  _ them the war and Tony Stark had paid the ultimate price for it.  _ You did it, sir.  _ Peter felt the pain and grief of it as if it happened yesterday. It felt like it was happening all over again at this moment as all of the memories washed over him. Standing in the backyard of his lakehouse, watching a small metal reactor float out onto the water. Remembers feeling nothing as he stood there in his black suit, numb from pain and the overwhelming depression that grabbed him the moment they realised how they won that war. He’s angry that it went from  _ I don’t feel so good, mister Stark,  _ to  _ I’m sorry, Tony.  _ He wishes he could strangle Thanos with his bare hands for taking that time with Tony away from him. Depriving him of so much, so fucking much that he went insane with the grief. Peter knows that when he opens his eyes, Tony will be gone. For good. He’ll have to face the real world again. It would’ve been easier if they let him lose his sanity completely down here, but he’ll try his best to be the Peter that Tony remembered. Live on for him, like he knew Tony wanted him to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this made me cry. A lot.   
> Hope you guys like it!


End file.
